broken record.

Gawwwwd. Toby Turner is a nerd, he’s fucking hilarious,...

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 02:41:33 -0500

Gawwwwd. Toby Turner is a nerd, he’s fucking hilarious, and he’s goddamn good looking, too…

derptorwho: shaves pubes into question mark this will...

Mon, 04 Jul 2011 23:05:06 -0500

derptorwho:

*shaves pubes into question mark*

this will definitely make him want me

I don’t even…

DO WANT.

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:09:45 -0500

DO WANT.

The Perfect Mad Lib.

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 04:39:48 -0500

Hi, I’m Tom Cruise, and I want to tell you all about the new cock.

Have you seen the new cock? It’s fantastic! It will fuck and finger with no problems at all. To use the cock, all you need are a few assholes. Yes, folks, it’s that easy.

Tired of always having to lick? Well, now you can relax and let the bloody cock do all the work.

Our customers love the cock!

Bob Barker said, “After using the cock, I’ll never go back to using the cat. Why bother?”

This bloody cock is available at any store that also sells mudkips. For a limited time, we are including a bonus pokemon with each cock that you purchase. That’s right, folks. Buy the cock and get the pokemon absolutely free!

We are also running a contest. The next 100 people who buy a(n) cock will be entered in a contest to win a lifetime supply of pokemon!

Visit your local Target and pick up the cock. Act now, while supplies last!

daskaea: Thor needs a stead dammit! SO CUTE AND AWESOME. :3

Sun, 12 Jun 2011 10:50:45 -0500

daskaea:

Thor needs a stead dammit!

SO CUTE AND AWESOME. :3

Heeeeheeeeheeee. <3

Sun, 12 Jun 2011 10:43:10 -0500

Heeeeheeeeheeee. <3

IT'S LATE. I CAN HAS MAD LIBS. AGAIN.

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 00:41:18 -0500

Best personal ad ever? Perhaps.

I enjoy long, fucking walks on the beach, getting sucked in the rain and serendipitous encounters with clits. I really like piña coladas mixed with sperm, and romantic, candle-lit anal beads. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Tom Cruise. I travel frequently, especially to New Jersey, when I am not busy with work. (I am a prostitute.) I am looking for cock and beauty in the form of a Asian goddess.

Some mad lib about designers or something. IDEK.

The year is 666, and USA`s cunt with Finland is History.

In his continued efforts to outdo the Blowjob Giver of Finland, His Majesty, King Tom Cruise VIII, has invited some of the country`s most dead prostitues to create for him a zombie fit for the most fucking of all presidents: himself.

Unfortunately, His Majesty`s fat dicks are turning his once-huge kingdom into USA`s finest asshole. In an act of desperation, Queen Hannah Montanna has convinced a/an wet Dutch pimp to fuck her husband`s beloved country with a much-needed tardis. Only three things stand in the way of this happening: the pimp`s easily offended ocean; a pair of prostitues who may not be who or what they seem; and the king himself.

blow all this and some white and wide-eyed ninja stars in our Twilight.

My dream man. I based this one off of Twilight. Themed mad libs can be awesome.

My “Dream Man” should, first of all be very white and sparkly. He should have a physique like EDWARD CULLEN, a profile like ROBERT PATTINSON, and the intelligence of a werewolf. He must be polite and must always remember to kill my vampire, to tip his blood and to take my penis when crossing the street. He should move inwardly, have a wet voice, and should always dress sluttily. I would also like him to be a dead dancer, and when we are alone he should whisper horny nothings into my asshole and hold my loose forest.

A discovery in the park…

Two friends, Brock and Ash Ketchum, spent an afternoon in the park together. The day was wet and both friends were wearing pokeballs. The friends had just finished fucking when Brock found a small dick.

“Have you ever seen one of these before?” Brock asked Ash Ketchum.

“Not like this one,” said Ash Ketchum.

The friends put the dick on a nearby table, and they sat down and studied it.

“Where do you think it came from?” asked Ash Ketchum.

“I think it’s from New Jersey,” said Brock.

“If it is from New Jersey, this dick is a long way from home,” said Ash Ketchum. “I wonder if it’s slutty.”

“It might be slutty. What should we do with it?” Brock asked Ash Ketchum.

“Should we keep it?” asked Ash Ketchum.

“It probably belongs to someone. I bet the person dropped it while sucking,” said Brock .

“It might belong to someone, but it could just be lost,” said Ash Ketchum. “It’s so fat. Maybe we should keep it.”

“It would be great to have this fat dick, but what if it had been ours and we’d lost it? You would want it back, wouldn’t you?” asked Brock.

“I would. You’re right. Let’s drop it off at the Lost and Found,” said Ash Ketchum.

“That’s a great idea. Then we can puke all the way home!” said Brock.

“Who knows, maybe we’ll find another dick on the way there!” said Ash Ketchum.

Ok, I should probably stop before I die from laughter…

Muggles are not able to REBLOG this.

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 23:53:56 -0500

inyourkeeping: Another classic film from my childhood. They...

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:21:14 -0500

inyourkeeping:

Another classic film from my childhood. They don’t make them like this anymore.

God, I love this movie. I haven’t seen it in AGES. Really ought to change that.

crig: Pom Pom Pom

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:20:20 -0500

crig:

Pom Pom Pom

bornintofilth: Reblogging for Aquadrill Ah, this is my...

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:18:43 -0500

bornintofilth:

Reblogging for Aquadrill

Ah, this is my life’s motto.

WIFEYPANTS! You have returned to tumblr.

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 22:17:14 -0500

:D I have!!! I’ve slowly but surely come around to appreciating tumblr. <3

Photo

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 05:29:37 -0500

sogeekchic: One-of-a-kind, handpainted, size six retro mario...

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 02:45:14 -0500

sogeekchic:

One-of-a-kind, handpainted, size six retro mario shoes available custom from InkHeartKicks.

Not your size, not your style? Contact the creator who says: “If these don’t tickle your taste buds, give me a shout and I’ll do some especially for you! Any Design, Any Colour, Any Size, Any Shoe! You can customise your own kicks!”

Or just contact her and let her know, she makes some kick-ass shoes.

D: DO WANT.

Except I do think I’d want to Friday the 13th video game Jason Voorhees. :3

fuckyeahtattoos: This was my first tattoo. I had it done when I...

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 02:43:46 -0500

fuckyeahtattoos:

This was my first tattoo. I had it done when I was 17. I absolutey love Fallout. I had an awesome time getting it done. We talked about Fallout the whole time.

Done by Matt Bartely at Southern Steel in Kentucky.

AWW YEAH. DO WANT.

HEY TUMBLR.

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 02:36:43 -0500

I’m back. I decided that I’d try this whole thing again…

So…

Life is going well. All is satisfactory in most areas of my life except the relationship area. Though, I do have a few options to fix that. I’m just not sure which one to pursue. Time will tell, I do suppose.

Until then, I’ll just keep living life and being happy with what I’ve got. :D

Oh shit. I'm bored, it's late, and the interwebs have madlibs.

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 02:59:37 -0600

I will now post some of the funnier portions of my madlibs.

BEWARE! THEY ARE VULGAR. :)

But the large king was very angry when he saw how his ass fucked and how badly she treated all his assholes. He vowed that, willing or unwilling, she would ram the first finger that came to the door.

Oh holy shit. I just came across one of THE MOST poorly written madlibs ever. AND IT WAS ALREADY VULGAR WITHOUT ME PUTTING ANYTHING IN IT. WHAT THE HELL. Anyways, I’ll post it because it’s almost funnier with the misspellings.

It started on Caturday when Tom Cruise and I were dancing then he grabed me and stared fuck off my bra! Then he toke off his pants and stated suck my penis So I smacked him in the face. then his ripped my pants off and started having sex with me!I tought it was kinda sexy. So then i think ‘what the heck’; and start have lick with him too.Then I siad “stop”. He siad “no”.”I’ll call the cops”; I said. So then he stoped and said “what?”; Then I grabed his dick and stucked it. “Ooooooh”; he said. Then about 9 months later I was giving birth to 3 girls and 2 boys.I named them Dennis Rodman, Justin Beiber, Hilary Duff, Lady Gaga, and Cole. And that how I got 5 kid in one day!

… I’m having entirely too much fun.

I’ve regretted saying those things to you and being the first mudkip to have done this to yo

Oh shit. I'm bored, it's late, and the interwebs have madlibs.

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 02:59:06 -0600

I will now post some of the funnier portions of my madlibs.

BEWARE! THEY ARE VULGAR. :)

But the large king was very angry when he saw how his ass fucked and how badly she treated all his assholes. He vowed that, willing or unwilling, she would ram the first finger that came to the door.

… I’m having entirely too much fun.

I’ve regretted saying those things to you and being the first mudkip to have done this to you also hurts a lot. Whether you accept my pokemon or not I’m truly sorry for my fucking and unpleasant whore.

Nickelback needs to sing this version. It’s ten gazillion times better.

“Cockstar”

I’m through with fucking in line
To dicks we’ll never get in
It’s like the bottom of the ninth
And I’m never gonna win
This cunt hasn’t turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(ass me what you want)

I want a huge corpse
On an episode of Cribs
And a asshole I can rot in
And a dying motherfucker big enough
For 666 plus me

(So what you need?)

I’ll need runny blood that’s got no limit
And a fucked fucking stupid cocksucker with a bastard in it
Gonna join the mile low asshat
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new blowing dick full of old breasts
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between CHAD KROEGER and
TOM CRUISE is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life for fucker and pokemon
I’d even cut my asshole and change my name

[Chorus:]
‘Cause we all just wanna be throw mudkips
And live in fucking jiggly puffs driving engorged fatasses
The girls come easy and the corpses come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat
And we’ll hang out in the dead murderers
In the VIP with the bloody cumguzzlers
Every good sick digger’s
Gonna wind up there
Every gross bunny
With her limp moist mouth

Hey hey I wanna be a dick
Hey hey I wanna be a pikachu

I wanna be yellow like Elvis without the pokeballs
Hire eight body clits that love to beat up tits
Sign a couple dicks
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the quesadilla on the house)
I’m gonna dress my ass cheeks
With the lame fashion
Get a front door key to the dildo mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna trade this life for vibrator and cockring
I’d even cut my finger and change my name

[Chorus]

And we’ll hide out in the tiny cocks
With the ballsy dictionary and today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that furry smile
Everybody’s got a slippery dealer on dead dial, well

Hey hey I wanna be a corpse

I’m gonna sing those rapists
That offend the pedophiles
Gonna pop my drug addicts from a stoned dispenser

I’ll get washed-up bongs writing all my needles
lip sync ‘em every night so I don’t get ‘em wrong

[Chorus]

And we’ll hide out in the contaminated drugs
With the stupid dictionary and today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that goddamn smile
Everybody’s got a fucking dealer on speed god

Hey hey I wanna be a dog
Hey hey I wanna be a yam

Tom Cruise: Well folks, we’re out of time. Thanks, Ron L Hubbard. I really enjoyed fucking with you!

Ron L Hubbard: I enjoyed fucking with you, too!

Next weekend a cute guy is gonna stay at my apartment. We’ve had a drunken moment before at an...

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 22:03:48 -0500

Next weekend a cute guy is gonna stay at my apartment. We’ve had a drunken moment before at an anime convention and I’m pretty stoked about this whole thing seeing as he’s single now. WHOO.

Oh, it’s also going to make my life interesting because he’s in the same group as my other sort of fling. So the fling is going to find out that cute guy is staying with me and I’m interested in seeing how he’ll react.

Yeah. I just made myself sound kinda like a slut but meh. I’m having fun and enjoying life, haha.

I’m really interested in seeing what happens with the cute guy though. <3

This text made my day.

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 22:48:23 -0500

“When i look through my phone book im always glad to have someone i think of as radass and a face that is gorgeous to txt. You are hawtness not like you dont know. But yeah always a pleasure.” - my friend Steven

I wish he lived closer to me. He’s super nice and awesome as well as being quite the looker…

Boo. :(

broken record.

Gawwwwd. Toby Turner is a nerd, he’s fucking hilarious,...

derptorwho: *shaves pubes into question mark* this will...

DO WANT.

The Perfect Mad Lib.

daskaea: Thor needs a stead dammit! SO CUTE AND AWESOME. :3

Heeeeheeeeheeee. <3

IT'S LATE. I CAN HAS MAD LIBS. AGAIN.

Muggles are not able to REBLOG this.

inyourkeeping: Another classic film from my childhood. They...

crig: Pom Pom Pom

bornintofilth: Reblogging for Aquadrill Ah, this is my...

WIFEYPANTS! You have returned to tumblr.

Photo

sogeekchic: One-of-a-kind, handpainted, size six retro mario...

fuckyeahtattoos: This was my first tattoo. I had it done when I...

HEY TUMBLR.

Oh shit. I'm bored, it's late, and the interwebs have madlibs.

Oh shit. I'm bored, it's late, and the interwebs have madlibs.

Next weekend a cute guy is gonna stay at my apartment. We’ve had a drunken moment before at an...

This text made my day.

derptorwho: shaves pubes into question mark this will...